Just another day of being kicked out of classes. The teachers don't even open the doors when I knock...gotta stop knocking in a musical fashion. Oh well I get time to myself and time to think about everything, it's been really peaceful.
This morning when I came to school I suddenly felt ill and like something bad was going to happen. Everyone was in a grumpy mood but not even outwardly, it was just a feeling I got and it was so malicious and it made me sick to my stomach. I am however grateful for this because it made me realise something about myself which I have wondered for a long time. I didn't want to label my sensing of emotions or hypersensativity but I have kind of always known that I was different in this aspect...so I am not going to deny it anymore. I am an empath. I don't want too many people to know right away because they will think I am crazy but it makes perfect sense. I was always able to tell how a person was feeling just by being around them for a few seconds and their amotions would effect me in a very intimate way. I always felt a deep connection with people and animals and I was able to dive into their minds and get a better understanding of them. So I am okay with this...It is hard to handle but overall it is quite a blessing.
Recently looking at my blog I have noticed something very disheartening. I haven't given an update on my Great Aunt Mary who was diagnosed with cancer...for this I am greatly ashamed and upset. We found out a while ago that she was terminal...I don't know what to say about it really I don't know what I feel. To be honest I am more worried about her family and mine Mainly Walter (her husband). I don't have time to worry about me because if I get sad then they will worry about me instead of themselves. Last weekend I recieved a cake it was deliciouse filled with jell-o and having dreamwhip covering the top (one of my favorite topings). I learned it was made by Mary which I find peculiar. I mean she is going to die and one of the things she is going to do while going through this process is make me a cake, me the relative who rarely gets in to see her...thinking about this makes me want to cry but such a thing would be impractical in a school library....even though I really want to. I mean if I were dying I would probably do the same thing but...It is just so unexpected and really meaningful. That cake was the most meaningful cake I have ever recieved which is kind of interesting. I have had many cakes in my life and this cake made for me and me alone by this women is the best one shearly because of the circumstances and the extreme care put into it.
I will really miss playing Skat on Canada day and the other odd occasions that we got to go out there. I only ever one once but the money I lost was well spent (not that it was very much seeing that we only bet dimes). I truly and solemly pray that she makes it to Canada day so that I can get one more chance at that tradition before she is gone...Here I was thinking I was a bad person because I didn't cry and get upset like everyone else is probably doing but here typing this I am fighting off tears. I guess I was too busy worrying about Walter and everyone else that I didn't get time to know what I felt.....I hope that's how it is anyway.
Oh and here is a link on empaths it isn't a long thing to read and it will give you a better understanding about what I spoke of in my second paragraph. I don't want any misinterpretations.
http://healing.about.com/cs/empathic/a/uc_empathtraits_2.htm
That's all for today.
Arivadeirchi
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