I Did it My Way - Frank Sinatra

Well that's that, I left school. Surprisingly it went very well. The principle found me in the hallway laying on the floor listening to music. I think he kind of took pity on me because he said softly "Randy c'mon get up go rest down in the office". He didn't sound angry he sounded more concerned. I probably didn't look too kot laying there feeling terrible. Either way I spoke to him about leaving and he was very understanding. He told me that he thought I would do very well and that this building just wasn't for me. I agreed and he told me to meet with Mr Mguigen (or however you spell his name...Either way he's the youth worker).

I spoke to the youth worker who told me about a youth outreach program to help those who leave school. He gave them a call and I told him that I would come ack the next day to meet with them but after that I wasn't coming back to school anymore. Katelyn was really sad. She wanted me to leave for the betterment of me but she was sad that she would be there alone. I felt terrible.

The next day I came back and sat in the cafateria watching RENT after getting punched by Dan five times in the solar plexis (I think he was upset that I was leaving him). Either way I spoke to the Youth outreach people and I have met with them since they are going to take me out job hunting tuesday.

So now I am where I am now. Living free with no regrets about anything. My parents took it alright and aren't kicking me out of the house though I do have to pay two hundred dollars rent money eveery month. That is no big deal for me though seeing as it comes with electricity food and every other comfort of home.

Right now I am at Beanz just finishing a cherry Italian soda. I am waiting for Katelyn, Sarah, and Neil to show up. All is well in my life. Oh and guess what. After I left those kids got kicked out of the spot we hung out in which is now known as the Crypt as named by me when I left. I got a good laugh out of it. Well I do believe that is all there is to say about that.

I'm out.

Conversations with a hair dresser

My last few days have been filled with sarrow. It would appear that my schooling is coming to a close if I do not pull my marks up as they say. I am really growing tired, yes tired is the proper word. Going to school day by day is becoming more and more difficult. My peers give me much grief which normally I could ignore and sometimes I still can, but it all gets to be so tireing. I just want a peaceful existance without constant pressure to do well in my academics. The principle is constantly reminding me of how I am to be removed next month at exams if I do not pass. As much as I do not want to be out of school because of my family's pain, I kind of want it all to end so that I may finally have a small period of rest so I may recompose myself.

The Miss WoodWorth has been trying to rebuild my confidence along with Miss Mquaid. Needless to say it has failed. I know what needs to be done and that is simply to get out of school. They try so hard to sway me they really genuinely care about me, and it hurts me to let them down. Oh well, sometimes things are inevitable though people would say that this is my fault and honestly It is my decision but I see no other way.

Katelyn is a tad worried though she doesn't show it often. She shows her concern for my well being but not with school, which I believe to be good I don't want any more pressure. I often wonder what her parents will say about me when they find out that I am not in school. They loved me and got the idea that I would be in their eyes "sucsesfull". I don't really care what they think of me I only care for my relationship with Katelyn. She has assured me nothing will change but I still worry about it often perhaps more often than most things. My thoughts are uncontrolled and hard to put my finger on it reminds me of what I was like while writing HAUD.

I honestly love Katelyn and I feel the need to confess this yet again as I have many times on this site I love her unconditionaly even though I know that word to be false it is the only thing that fits. I just hope nothing will change between us. I hope if Katelyn ever finds this she ill forgive me tfor reffering to her as a her, for I know she believes it to be untrue. I shall have to ask her if she wants me to refer to her as a male constantly.

I have been crying a lot lately especially in my afternoon classes. By afternoon I am pretty much drained of my energy and I need to leave but we all know that is not doable without causing problems. I usually do it anyway. My absence count is probably ridiculous.

I just finished reading a good book by the way. It's called "Sweet Blood".
I have been doing tarot readings at lunch and they have been amazingly acurate. Everyone is quite shocked at how good they were. This makes me quite happy. Through all the pain I still have Katelyn and those who love me. I can still devote myself to others and show compassion so things are not as bad as they could be. I am not alone.

I spoke to my hairdresser about school the other night. Glenda (hairdresser) also dropped out of school because her principle was doing what mine was to me Mr Roach was the man who was cruel and unkind to her. She spoke of how he told her to leave and go work at a grocery store because that is all she would ever amount to anyway. Then she threw her books at his feet and left. She went and became a hairdresser. Though back then you could do that with a grade ten. I could get my GEDs though they would allow me to do that stuff to some extent.

I dunno. I have much to think on. Hopefully my next entry will be more pleasant than this one.