Medication Failure

These pills don't seem to be working. I've been Manic since yesterday my mind won't stop racing and my heart can barely keep up. In a way I enjoy it I feel so creative and it's like the entire cosmic infinity is at my fingertips, like I have the untapped ability to control everything. Perhaps Mania is just an evolved state of mind that our brains have not yet evolved to cope with. I feel so much more functional when I'm manic though at times I lose control and do impulsive things... which I guess is why I'm on these medications... these USELESS medications

I just want the ups and downs to go away. I want a diagnoses and above all else I want to just have these medications work again. I'm okay with numbness, I'm okay with mild drowsiness, I can deal with all of that but please just take away these manic episodes.

I can still feel the meds a little, they do take away the anxiety for the most part they just take the edge off.... but that's not enough I'm still up and then angry and then exhausted and then back up again. No depression yet but Mania and then exaustion... I'm just so tired, I can't feel it right now but I know I am... and soon enough my body will realize to the full extent it's overuse.

Screw this I quit for today. I'm going to go endure this rollercoaster and try not to puke. I just need my next psych appointment... wednesday get here faster....

I NEED SLEEP