I got admitted last night to a psychiatric ward. I went of my own free will as I had been planning my suicide for 2 days and had written part of my suicide note. I saw a Dr Amadula (or something) but he seemed not interested in my desire to end my existence and sent me home. On the way home I freaked out, I had lost all hope. Jude quickly called our therapist Danya and explained the situation. So after a delightful meal and rolling around with Jude's kittens we went back to the ER. Our second trip began with me arguing with a registration nurse over her not calling me by my legal name. After speaking with another nurse the matter was hastily resolved and I shot the first nurse a venomous glare. After waiting hours watching Jude draw we found out I was admitted to the psych ward. Jude took the liberty of removing ANYTHING I could use to hurt myself and despite a few whines and protests his glare was all it took for me to give in. Shortly thereafter two nurses came in to take me away; One was a fat middle aged women who would roll endlessly if she was pushed off her too small legs. The other was an older gentle looking man. I knew quickly who I liked more.
The fat women misgendered Jude and I and when corrected she sharply said how it "didn't matter". She quickly gave Jude my things minus the clothes on my back (they did take the string from my hoodie though). I was told to sit in a wheelchair to which I flatly refused. We walked to the nurses desk and the fat women said she wanted "he-she" in a wheelchair, being in no mood for idiots I grabbed my chest and said loudly "Umm boobs, I'm a girl and I am not taking a wheelchair I can walk fine." After getting to the unit at 12:00am they took my bra, boots, and belts and I was sent to my shoebox of a room. I immediatly looked for things to cut with but found done. I had no control...
It was hard to sleep that night, every 30 minutes a nurse would crack open the door and shine a flashlight in to make sure you were in bed. I lay awake for a while unable to fall asleep in this strange place. The person in the next room cried for a while, the sobs were that of a young terrified girl. Eventually they stopped and I could sleep
No comments:
Post a Comment