Psych Ward: Day 2

I don't know when I woke up today as my manic state did not want to leave. At one point a male nurse opened the door and looked in to see me staring at him (I got bored of pretending to sleep) He asked how much sleep I had gotten to which I replied 4 hours, as without a clock I had no idea how much time had passed. I just knew I hadn't gotten much rest.

I got out of bed, no one else was around except nurses. The person in the room next to me had been discharged and a new guy lie in bed. I couldn't understand how people could sleep with their doors open. I soon was overcome by a wave of horrid depression so I went back to bed. I soon felt hysterically manic again then depressed soonafter. I silently cursed to myself when I realized I was rapid cycling, my least favorite state to be in. I decided to only get out of bed for medication and food. I was told by a nurse that I would be working from now on with Dr Stewart. I was happy to hear that at least. I continued to lay in bed until the mood stabilizers kicked in and I stopped rapid cycling.

I read The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo until I got anxious. I wanted to see the doctor and get a different opinion. Dr Amadula's words were still echoeing from the day before, I tried to get them out of my head. As I sat far away from everyone I heard someone yelling. "I know but I shouldn't be hereit's a mistake, my fathers a fucking asshole!" I smirked and tuned in to their conversation. The kid's name was Vincent and he was really mad, you might even say confused. He wanted out, the nurses reasoned with him several times and eventually gave him something to "take the edge off". This was now sounding more like the psych ward I had expected.

I talked to a nurse about getting out at noon for my therapy with Danya who I was anxious to talk to. The nurses informed me that the Dr would likely give me a pass to see her but after waiting for hours there was still no word. I called Danya extremely upset to cancel our meeting but I got only voicemail. I left a casual message stating I could not make it and apologised. After the call Vincent got back from seeing Dr Stewart. He was screaming louder and louder that he was being caused "Stress and Trauma". They sent us to our rooms while they hauled him away. It was amusing for a while but ultimately disturbing from my room I heard him scream a muffled but loud "FUCK YOU!" and then... silence. Next I knew a kind nurse told me I had a phone call. It was Danya asking how I was doing. I told her I hated it and fought back tears. She exxpressed sympathy saying that she's heard "mixed reviews". by the end of the call I was crying and went back to my roomscribbling on paper:

I NEED TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE.
I NEED TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE.
I NEED TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE.
I NEED TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE.

 until the Dr called me in...

We talked about my feelings, she had read my records and reports. I asked if she thought I was mentally ill and she said that she believed I did in fact have either one of or both Bipolar Disorder type 2 or Borderline Personality Disorder. I nodded and asked to leave the Unit as it was freaking me out. She said I could go but based on me wanting a diagnoses and needing proper medication that staying would be my best option to achieve those goals quickly. I agreed to stay and with that control I felt fine. She put me on sleeping meds that would later rock my fucking world but before that Jude came in and we tried scrabble but failed due to there being way too many tiles and patients having scratched things into them. So we cuddled on a couch watching Tv. It was pleasant, before he went home he said I needed a new shirt so he gave me his. It smelled just like him, my favorite smell in the world. The doctor gave me some sleeping pills which made me really high and put an awful taste in my mouth. For the next 30 minutes I sat in my room thinking I was Queen of the Crackers and tahat I was eating them to create a defense against the awful taste, they screamed and cried as I consumed them or as I clumsily opened their package breaking off a part of them but it was all necessary to preserve my mouth. After I while I fell around the room until I landed in bed and blacked out.