New Perspective

I feel really stable today. I've felt really stable lately in general. I stayed true to my promise and stayed up the whole night and got paperwork done. I'm really proud of myself that is the first time I've ever risen to a task of that nature and succeeded it makes me feel I am competant and capable of things. I guess you could say it boosted my self esteem. I feel alot more "normal" now, in a good way of course.

I got my ears stretched today. I had them taken from a 14g to a 10g the process was not very painful at all and I feel really good about it. Doing something so out there is kind of nice, I enjoy self expression. I do really need to try and not go overboard though. OH and I did my dishes today. It's the first time I've done my dishes in months. I've only done my dishes maybe 10 plus times since moving out 2 years ago so doing them and not minding made me feel good. I'm hoping this sticks around with me.

Now that so much is out of my way I can finally focus on developing myself as a person and building character, the kind that I want. I am going to start painting I think. The artist life is one I want to pursue even if it is hidden and I don't make a big deal of it painting would be cool. I guess I have a new perspective. I feel... enlightened? Of course I know with bipolar and BPD that could change but I hope that I can at least establish the building blocks so that when my episodes happen I have a more safe environment to recover in. I need to eliminate turmoil and fear in my life and take care of myself more. Sadly I have a mental illness and it requires extra attention. Maybe if I acknowledge it and take care then I can be high functioning like I was today in the future, I'd really like that.

So yeah however I come out I'm not sure but I'm going to try and really enjoy the process of discovering myself in a healthy way. No more self destructing. I need to make healthy choices for me because... well hell, maybe I'm worth it. Never thought I'd read me typing this. Let's just hope my next blog is this positive.

Wish me luck.

Alice